Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I went to St. Louis this past weekend with the ladies
group from my church. We always stay at my very
gracious in-law's home. On Sunday morning, at the
breakfast table, I opened the community paper and
started reading at random. I came across one of the
funniest things I have ever seen.

Our hometown paper has a Letter to the Editor section
and they also have a Speak Out. Basically Speak Out is
an unsigned complaint center, complete with horrible
grammar. But it can be amusing!

But not as amusing as the Sound Off! in this community
paper. Consider the following:

On Sunday I was in the Home Depot parking lot
when a young man driving a white Ford Taurus at the
last second pulled into a space that I had been waiting
for. I am an elderly woman who grew up in a time when
respect for your elders was taught to children. I
what this country is coming to.
I had to park at the far end of the lot. So
instead of buying a new filter for my furnace I bought a nail gun and flattened all his tires. I hope you read this sonny boy so you know it was me!

After chuckling over this one, everyone wanted to know
what I thought was so funny, so I read it to them. Then,
when I got to the next one I was laughing so hard I could
barely read it.

Never in my life have I seen politics reach the low
point that it has in S-------- County. You've got a
divided City Council that seems more interested in
their own egos than working on behalf of the city.
I'm sick and tired of all the backstabbing
and name-calling. My mother always told
me that if you don't have anything nice to
say don't say anything. Obviously that was a
lesson that these scum-sucking morons missed.

By the time I read the next one to the girls I was laughing
so hard tears were streaming down my cheeks.

I live near Highway K and Royallvalley Way and
last Friday after watching a movie at the Great Escape
Theatre I was driving home when I was abducted by
aliens. It was really weird. They were in a large
spaceship that looked like the Goldenrod Showboat.
They made me play the part of Curly in their
production of "Okalahoma!" They stole my credit
cards and then released me. I called the mayor
of Dardeen Prarie but she said I live in O-Fallon.
So I called the mayor of O'Fallon but she said I
live in Dardenne Prairie.

Maybe these seemed so funny because of the sleep
deprived state I was in at the time. But I was tickled,
and the girls became tickled with me, probably out
of sympathy for my temporary insanity.

Being a good pastor's wife I had to bring in some
spirituality to the conversation. I quoted Matthew 7:3.

"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's
eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye."

I cut the article out to take home to Kent and the
kids, I knew they would appreciate such funny stories.
But, and here is where the face is turning red, maybe
even approaching purple, when I was reading it to
Kent I read the introduction to the articles and they
were all made up.

Now, I wonder, do I tell the girls, or do I let it go its
merry way?

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