Monday, September 04, 2006

Ninety-five Year Old Woman Bashes Rat With A Hammer

Doesn't that sound exciting? That is exactly what Grandma did
a few days ago. Some time ago she took up the hobby of mice
catching. She lives in a rather old house that is full of nice little
holes for mice and other critters to scramble in. Several months
ago she killed a mouse a day for about 13 days in a row. She told
me she just couldn't wait to get out of bed in the morning to check
the mousetrap and see what she had caught.

But then the rat appeared. He was just too big for any trap she
had, so she had my dad go and buy her a big old rat trap. She has
been setting it for a few months now but never could get that

She worried about this rat. Mostly she worried about him getting
into her quilts and ruining them. Then he started to steal things.
See, Grandma is not like many older people, she has a very neat
house and it is not at all cluttered with things. She is not into all
the knicknacks and such that so many elderly people are. But
she started missing things. One day she was missing two little
tomatoes off the counter. Then she was missing some apples.
She began to think, as she lay in bed at night, about him climbing
up in bed with her...arrrgh! Recently she asked her cleaning lady
to move a dresser so she could pull out the drawers and check her
quilts. In one of the drawers she found okra, peas and the missing

But finally, one day last week, she walked out onto her utility porch
and she saw a big thing lying on the ground next to the trap. He
wasn't in the trap, but he had been hurt by it. She was so afraid he'd
come to and run off that she ran and got a hammer and bashed that
poor thing's head in. Now, what should we do with her? She sounds
like a bloodthirsty old lady doesn't she. Boy, did she have a lot of fun
telling me all the gory details. In fact she was gloating. All she needed
was to beat me in a game of cards to make her week perfect.


e-Mom said...

A hoot! Go grandma! (I'm behind here.) I hope you bind all your stories together into some sort of publishable "dossier." (Hmm, I think I'll just print them off in the meantime. How 'bout "Mayberry Missives" "Laurie's Laughs?" or "Fernook Fotos?")

Mari said...

Grandma reminds me of my neighbor Mary. She is in her late 80's and still works most days-cleaning other people's houses. One day, we woke up to find our yard mowed! She said she felt bad because we only have a push mower, so she wanted to help out!
I hope I have as much gumption in my later years, but I don't even have that much now. I'm not even 30 yet...